Friday, 3 February 2012

The Woman in Black

Directed by James Watkins
Writing credits Susan Hill (novel)

The Woman in Black. 2012. Photograph.,inc Web. 4 Feb 2012. <>.

I am shocked, appalled, and possibly a tad personally offended. I don't even know what to say. This movie is horrible. Absolutely horrible. Beyond horrible.

First of all, the story-line progression is very poor. It just kind of "starts". Little is explained, which in turn left my feeble mind pondering the deep questions of life; "Where am I? What the hell is going on? Did I miss something? Have I been abducted by aliens and passed into the twilight zone?" All of these questions are a possible explanation. Or it could have just been that I was in a movie theater watching a terrible movie. Oh yeah, that's it. In essence, the abrupt starting and stopping of the storyline is slightly confusing and aggravating.

As for the plot itself... what.the.hell. That is a statement, not a question. My two year old nephew could have come up with a more intelligent plot, and he can hardly string together a coherent sentence. Granted, horror movies aren't exactly notorious for their realistic, day-to-day life stories, but this is just pointless. The dialogue is dismal, consisting mainly of one line statement/questions followed by on word responses.

Ex. #1:
Townsfolk: Leave our town.
Daniel Radcliffe: No.

Ex. #2:
Daniel Radcliffe: Take me to the scary house.
Chariot Man: Okay.

Which brings me to another point. With such examples being literally the extent of the dialogue in the film, it is totally void of emotion and meaning. There are no character friendships or relationships of any kind. It is boring. If I wanted to pay $14.00 to watch Daniel Radcliffe wander around a giant house for half an hour, I'd rather set up camp on his front lawn with $14.00 worth of disposable cameras.

No gore in this film, aside from a scene which involves a fire. There are a few pop-up shock moments, notably a crow that flies out of no where...a crow? Come on. As for the Woman in Black herself, she makes very few appearances. When she does appear, she is usually side frame off in the background. Her greatest effort comes in a brief scene where she screams like a banshee and flies across a room. I think she is tired. Probably needs a dirt nap. She is dead, after all.

Okay, so if you haven't caught my drift by now, I did not enjoy this movie.

Grade:D- That's right. D MINUS.

Moral of the Story: This movie offers no morals or lessons to be learned. I am going to change this to Moral of my Experience Watching The Woman in Black: Don't.


  1. Lmao that sucks. I'd thank you for warning me.. but I figured as much and had no intention of going.. now. Did the friend scream? <.<

  2. Hahaha, no... BUT, she did have to cover her eyes during certain parts and the pop up crow scared her. She has also reported that she had nightmares last night due to this movie. I am so very tempted to make fun of her, but she does suffer from higher than usual anxiety. I got on her case a bit about the oh so satanic crow...that'll do.

  3. You suck, and you're mean. But I still love you I guess.